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november, darling

by _kuro

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1.
lovers are better than friends lovers are better than friends lovers are better than friends lovers are better than friends what am i doing?
2.
we're stood outside a landlord's home i told you that we should have run and sure as hell we'll both get it i said you'd never be alone in this dear world of monochrome but no, that ain't enough for you oh, my love is pure but we'll all love you more in death we'll love you for sure but we'll all love you more in death it's funny how you said to me how we would always ever be but we'll all love you more in death we all have our achilles' for you it's understanding that we'll all love you more in death i saw your face walking down the boulevard i thought, "screw that bitch", but am i thinking too hard about a life lost and coated in the deepest depths of waste you said "hey man, what's the haps these days?" as if the months of torture were just a passing phase and i was tempted to run but all i could say was "no" oh, my love is pure but we'll all love you more in death we'll love you for sure but we'll all love you more in death it's funny how you said to me how we would always ever be but we'll all love you more in death we all have our achilles' for you it's understanding that we'll all love you more in death (left channel) silence is never key when you're living the american dream i'd die and i'd make it a show i'd die and make sure that everyone knows something's up, something's down a pink eared wolf in a dressing gown the deliberation of imagery the idea or image of me being free (right channel) get the nails out with the glitter glued on rock a pink shirt, else get yourself a new one all pent up or falsified it's in these words you hear my cries the anecdote of a cursed bride the aftermath of a suicide gotta dial your number and take a pick your friends won't stay, can your lovers stick
3.
what about the time when i fell into the waves so hard i cried there's no excuse and and no way out this summer's gonna give me jack to talk about close your eyes, it's a brand new day freak in the sand, gotta change my ways i'm cast out far, i'm removed from sight singing out loud to weezer white these memories are starting to taste like a counterfeit is anybody asking? and i'm acquainted with the novelty of feeling like (shit) is anybody asking? what about the time when i fell into the waves so hard i cried there's no excuse and and no way out this summer's gonna give me jack to talk about on and on, on and on i drown my sorrows in my favourite song again and again, i'll tell you when the summer lives up to its name the summer lives up to its name i'm locked inside, i sleep all day i live my life through the songs they play my friends are out, they're getting sick cos clearly loneliness is worse than a pandemic who am i to enjoy myself for a little bit is anybody asking? i'll namedrop covid so you'll laugh at my supposed wit is anybody asking? what about the time when i fell into the waves so hard i cried there's no excuse and and no way out this summer's gonna give me jack to talk about on and on, on and on i drown my sorrows in my favourite song again and again, i'll tell you when the summer lives up to its name the summer lives up to its name the summer lives up to its name
4.
this is jarring for you? well it's jarring for me an out of place interlude, an awkward conversee i think i'll make some friends, i don't like my old ones maybe someone to talk to, maybe someone to love don't dream big boy, don't look around you love your screen more than you love yourself it's lockdown baby, just deal with it but for now i'm stuck at home tryna make friends on the internet
5.
django don’t you go away don’t you think that it’s okay to leave to end your life you’re a good guy at heart the one who wants me in their arms and who am i to say you’re wrong but who am i to play the saviour when i sometimes need the saving he's back again he's damaging again he needs a friend to tell him his life shouldn't end django the world is ending, you’re better now i swear you love to make shit go down for the benefit of thine i’m a trainwreck at heart you’re aware of that, for a start but still you try to play my strings when all you desire is somebody to hold you despite who ends up being said somebody he's back again he's damaging again he needs a friend to tell him his life shouldn't end django you know i can’t take flattery but it’s nice to hear that it’s somewhat cute when i flounder with my words maybe i'm just like me because i think it's effort making enemies but clearly you're into that so that's cool
6.
he 03:31
he's got a face like an i don't know, no i mean it i don't know what that face en- tails, but i guess it proves the love, running, can you feel the love, love is running through the air in copious amounts to the point where it kinda starts to clump my november darling dressed in pink and donning stripy thigh highs your face, as i had said before i make up in my mind's eye suckup to your crimes cos they can't be too bad once they're done reaping the rewards cos all your flaws are just small ob-sta-cles. well, i guess that i'm a messed up lover half the time but i'll accomplish what i set to do and make you mine where's the heartache? i'd take back and redefine what qualifies as having crossed the line and kill my friends if you'd have said, i'd happily oblige where's the heartache? i got my friends in the back, and they're rubbing all their hands, with an alcohol rub before they stop and start to bawl at the sight of the girl they adored holding hands with a boy she adores but she's oblivious to the motives. the motives! keep up and try to focus on not screwing up again, try not to lose your only friend he's a snake, in their eyes so is joy all worth the grind? so kampai to your eyes and your soul, and your smile and you're crawling out of my justification how do you plan to be free? airdrop me your invitation and raise a toast to you and me well, i guess that i'm a messed up lover half the time but i'll accomplish what i set to do and make you mine where's the heartache? i'd take back and redefine what qualifies as having crossed the line and kill my friends if you'd have said, i'd happily oblige where's the heartache? life through the lover's eyes a trivial but fun pastime where's the heartache? keeping with his flaws is tiring how many more exceptions to his perfection? before i say kampai to your eyes and your soul and your smile and your face and perception of life two, three, four! well, i guess that i'm a messed up lover half the time but i'll accomplish what i set to do and make you mine where's the heartache? i'd take back and redefine what qualifies as having crossed the line and kill my friends if you'd have said, i'd happily oblige where's the heartache?
7.
your day breaks, your mind aches you find that all her words of kindness linger on when she no longer needs you she wakes up, she makes up she takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry she no longer needs you and in her eyes you see nothing no sign of love behind the tears cried for no one a love that should have lasted years you want her, you need her and yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead you think she needs you and in her eyes you see nothing no sign of love behind the tears cried for no one a love that should have lasted years you stay home, she goes out she says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone she doesn't need him your day breaks, your mind aches there will be times when all the things she said will fill your head you won't forget her and in her eyes you see nothing no sign of love behind the tears cried for no one a love that should have lasted years
8.
set this swan afloat they'll come back on their own now you're on the receiving end of their punishment i'll start but won't resolve this argument i've just come down from my high your front door looks nice i can be too free, so can i get away with it eat my face on my birthday to get rid of it now i have no face because you ripped it off and made it your fireplace now i have no face bear with me, girl, i'll try not to die today
9.
wring my body out my dear mangle up my remains feed me to the wolves outside and my grandkids slowly my insides turn poisonous over time spit me out, writhe and die yourself my, my twisted mind and as the bough breaks you're born again walk my mind out until i join you who am i to cry if i don't see you again if something's wrong with me i'm dying too i reckon that the grave looks right i don't see nothing wrong mother cleans the house and the children ready for the funeral young child, no one lives for eternity quit while you're ahead cos one day you'll join too and as the bough breaks you're born again walk my mind out until i join you who am i to cry if i don't see you again if something's wrong with me i'm dying too noelle, since we moved to the city the sky's been obsidian in our sleep i'm broken hearted but still i wear love on my sleeve because we'll all sleep for three summers more cos when the bough breaks you're born again walk my mind out until i join you who am i to cry if i don't see you again if something's wrong with me i'm dying too
10.
hands tied i wish i could just leave and formally be your enemy because the shadow isn't dead he wants to be your friend you're not in love with me at all my dear you're not in love with me at all my dear my dear the other night i was dreaming that my cat was alive again we dug her body out from 'neath the blackberry bush and she was walking and shit and her heart was exposed but i mean at least it was beating cos when i woke again it wasn't and mine was, it was racing because i thought she must be lonely and scared, six feet under and i wanted to claw at the dirt and make sure that she was okay and if she wanted to we could both swap places but you don't see my hands tied i wish i could just leave and formally be your enemy because the shadow isn't dead he wants to be your friend you're not in love with me at all my dear you're not in love with me at all my dear my dear at least get to know your victim before you make the strike cause it was just two days ago and i was crying at night and i put something on i think it was radiohead but i don't recall the details but at least it's more than you would ever know i'm here to be warm when you're cold, can't afford to be honest about me i'm not your november darling just please let me out let me scream, let me shout but my hands are tied i wish i could just leave and formally be your enemy because the shadow isn't dead he wants to be your friend you're not in love with me at all my dear you're not in love with me at all my dear but my hands are tied i wish i could just leave and formally be your enemy because the shadow isn't dead he wants to be your friend you're not in love with me at all my dear you're not in love with me at all my dear
11.
faith 09:50
guess i was never that close anyway but should've been for a while now might need an afterlife now i read the scripture with difficulty my family would be disappointed with me with me cos i'm more distant i'm missing out i'm more distant i'm missing out why don't you come sleep beside me? i'll tell you stories of these eighteen years and you can tell me what a prophet is to you who are you? what you do? man-child of the state glorious sinner cos i'm more distant i'm missing out i'm more distant i'm missing out i've lost my faith i've lost my faith what's so good about what i say one kiss won't make it okay i've lost my faith i've lost my faith what's so good about what i say one kiss won't make it okay i'm more distant i'm missing out i'm more distant i'm missing out i'm more distant i'm missing out i'm more distant i'm missing out missing out missing out
12.
what was his name? i swear he had another but it's left my brain i swear i had some but they're dropping like flies, born to die born to change their ways and leave this life i've found out how to make this work i gotta up and leave town with the ones i love but i can say "i love you" to anyone and any three words can make me feel like i belong someone's out there someone wants to care who are they? a friend? a lover? family? i am out there i want to care who am i? who am i? someone said i was a junkie for this thing someone said i was a junkie for this thing someone said i was a junkie for this thing someone said i was a junkie for this thing who am i? why does change take me by surprise? why am i rife with denial with, the tiring cliche of coming to my senses the lover's just a tired role i hate my peers for not saying so but love them more than anyone i'd said i'd ever loved before someone's out there someone's out there someone's out there someone's out there friends are better than lovers friends are better than lovers friends are better than lovers friends are better than lovers
13.
18 (outro) 01:44
the blasphemer turns 18 he doesn't have much to tell to his children something inside of him screams of regret and bitterness, he never made many friends guess i didn't die at the age of sixteen your childhood's a trainwreck, then a distant memory was everything worth it? if it was, did i deserve it? happy birthday to me

about

this album ended up taking way more of my time than i'd ever anticipated. it was initially meant to be a bunch of slapdash falsify b-sides paired with some sonic experiments and drafts, but it's evolved into its own, nearly free-standing body of work.

i say "nearly" because whilst its sonic direction deviates from that of falsify, i still see it as being in the same narrative vein surrounding childhood and identity, just thrown into a different context. that and apart from the more refined and clean-cut sound, i feel like if falsify's tracklist were to continue it would end up sounding a lot like this. so it's almost an epilogue of sorts to falsify.

as well as this, even though falsify had a sense of finality both as an album and in terms of me turning over a new leaf from the emotions and events described, immediately after its release the covid-19 pandemic set me back light years in regards to my self-confidence, my relationship with others and my growing sense of loneliness. so it didn't feel right to call that cycle truly finished.

the name "november, darling" came from the idea that i'd wanted to make a lovesick, fuzzy project for quite a while, and the name had stuck out in my mind as being something that made literally no sense but encapsulated that vibe quite well. whilst i've had no such luck in that field, i thought that the idea of making an album mostly about perception of love and questioning the necessity for a significant other could work. which brings us to "november, darling".

however, as i got further and further into writing this album, the more i started gravitating towards ideas of death, loss, and friendship over the internet.

i feel like most people are going to prefer this to falsify. i'm not just saying this, i personally prefer falsify if i'm being completely honest with myself. but i know people in general will prefer the more clean-cut, smooth and (generally) concise nature of the songs at hand.

as always, everything is totally up to interpretation. anything goes in terms of the messages you gather from these lyrics.

<3

credits

released January 22, 2021

all songs written by myself apart from "for no one" written by the beatles.

all album art pictures taken by shuaib firfirey.

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_kuro Wales, UK

Falsify and november, darling are out now.

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